Paranoia.
In the last little while I have noticed that I am going out of my mind. I don't know if it is just being overly...I don't have a word for it...overly something, but I am going to really lose it someday if this keeps up. I think that sometimes I swear I hear Ben crying. I will go to listen only to find out that he is not. I think at night when we are in bed I "hear" Ben crying because I am so worried that I am not going to hear him when he really is crying. Also I want to get him right when he cries so he does not wake Kyle up. Like that will happen tho because Kyle is such a heavy sleeper. He goes to bed very late most nights and gets up very early to go to school. I want him to get the most sleep that he can and not have it interrupted. He tells me that it is OK if he wakes up and that he does not mind at all waking up for whatever the reason may be and that he likes to wake up, but I just want him to get a good night sleep and save all my "wake kyle up moments" for the next time I am pregnant and need ice cream, sprite, or cherrios in the middle of the night.
When Kyle gets home from work and I am dead asleep he wants to talk to me. I try and stay awake but that only happens very rarely. Last night when Kyle came home he went to give me a hug and I told him be careful Ben is sleeping on my chest. I was seriously convinced that he was. When in fact he was sound asleep in the next room in his crib. I did not want to hug Kyle because then Ben would get smooshed.
Am I an over-protected mother? Are these normal thoughts? Back to when I "hear" Ben crying I will go check to make sure he is not. I don't hear him. I will wait a little longer to make sure. Then I will go back to what I was doing and hear it again. I will tell myself that I am just hearing things. A couple of minutes will pass and I can't take it any more and I have to check again to find that he is crying. Needless to say I don't get much done when Ben is napping and I wake up more times during the night then is needful. It is really wearing on me. Has anyone felt like this? Is it just a stage?
Oh Shanny! Being a first time mom is so hard. I remember crying with Sophie every time she cried and waking up several times a night just to check on her (even though she was like 5 feet away...) Do you have a baby monitor? If not, then I suggest getting one so you can keep it with you and maybe ease your worries a bit. I use to keep our monitor by my pillow. We've been in school with all three of our babies - and still will be on the fourth! - and even though I try to let Brian sleep too, you gotta remember your in this together - you aren't a single parent (thankfully). So let him wake up sometimes! Because I guarantee soon enough he'll be able to completely block it out and you'll have to practically punch him in the face to wake him up! :) And remember someday you'll look back at all these memories of being a first time mom and laugh at yourself!
ReplyDeleteIt's a good thing those sweet little babies are worth it! Love ya.
I agree with everything she said up there! And yes she was that way too, and so was I! Thanks goodness you are only a first time mom once! I love to hear your stories thougn. And by the way I don't think you are really going crazy, you are already there!!! Love ya and that baby boy!
ReplyDeleteOh my sweet Shannon! I believe every mother goes through this. Being entrusted with the care of another person...especially a small, helpless one is a big responsibility! You are not losing your mind, you probably need more sleep. Bring that little guy over and go take a nap! You're a great little mom and everything is going to be fine. PS- A baby monitor might just be the thing to help you through this! Love you!
ReplyDeleteSorry sis, I still have that problem. Wake up in the middle of the night because I hear a kid crying. Especially when they are babies. I would just get so mad at my brain. Anyway during the day when he is napping it is OK if he cries a little bit. It will make him stronger in the end. You're a great mama. We love baby benenenbooboo.
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